2 years. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. I actually wonder sometimes if you were a girl. Don’t get me wrong I love all of your siblings and I know that if you were here, Toby may not be but I still miss you. A little piece of me died that day too. It’s hard to put into words how it feels when you lose something you wanted so badly. I think about the fact that you would be 18 months old now. You were taken from me too soon and I never got a chance to feel you move inside of me. I never got to hear your heart beating. I never saw your face. You will always be the one I lost.
I am thankful for the 8 precious weeks I did have with you (although I didn’t know you were lost until I was almost 12 weeks) cherishing the life that was growing inside me. I don’t know if you were a girl or a boy which makes it harder. Waking up after it was done brought me great sadness. The grief took over and I wept for you. I still weep for you. Today I cried when I realized what day it was as it still hurts almost as much as it did 2 years ago.
You were a part of my heart, my soul, my being. You will forever be etched in my mind. The ultrasound picture that I have of you still hangs on my fridge with the words Our Angel Baby on it. I thought about throwing it away but I knew I could never just throw my only memory of you. I need to remember. You were very much wanted and loved. You will always be my baby and I will always be your mommy.
Sleep well my angel, until we meet again, I love you.