Life is such an amazing miracle. Isn’t it? I mean I think about the baby I’m carrying and I’m in awe of what my body is capable of. This tiny baby that only 15 weeks ago was only the size of a poppy-seed and has become a breathing, kicking fully formed little human that I have the amazing task of growing. I mean growing a tiny human inside my body just takes my breath away. 15 weeks and baby is the size of a navel orange and is breathing, kicking and stretching in there although right now I only feel a few little taps here and there. In another 5 weeks we will hopefully find out if we are team pink or team blue and I’m very excited to find out. In 5 weeks I will feel this little one kicking and squirming in the space he or she now calls home. I’m am this little miracles protector and guardian and there are no words to describe that feeling. The feeling that you alone, are in charge of doing the best job you can as a mommy to help them come safely into this world.
I am starting to become more excited and at ease with this pregnancy since our loss. I think owning my own home Doppler has been helping as I can listen to the wonderful sound of little one’s heartbeat which is a sound that is so amazing that it makes me smile every time I hear it. There is no real way to explain how my loss has somehow taken some joy from me with this pregnancy but I am going forward and I’m not going to let it anymore. I love being pregnant and I want that joy to be felt in this pregnancy from here on out.
This baby is our rainbow. The beautiful miracle that comes after a loss and I am going to enjoy every minute that this baby is here and inside of me. The all day sickness, the exhaustion, all of it because a miracle is exactly what every baby is and this little one reminds me everyday that miracles can and do happen. That I’m am to be a mommy once last time. My final time that I will ever feel such joy and pain ever again.
Every kick, every little movement the last I will ever feel and I think I’m finally ready to close my baby making days down and enjoy my last pregnancy and the next 6 months. They will go by far quicker than I would like and I want to remember every minute of it with joy and happiness and although I will never forget my angel baby, my angel would want me to be happy and enjoy their new brother or sister and not worry everyday.