I know when I was younger, I always knew that having kids was going to be something I would do. I never thought it wouldn’t happen. I mean what 10-year-old thinks about their fertility? It is something you have to think about though as you get older and into child-bearing age, you have to realize that what you thought would be a given, may not be. Infertility has startling statistics. 1 in 6 couples have issues, that is freaking insanely high. Infertility changes you. It changes how you feel about yourself, your body and it can cause depression, anxiety and anger. I know depression and anger well.
I never thought in a million years that I would be that 1 in 6. Thankfully, my fertility issues were reversed with the help of Clomid when I was trying for my first baby. I went on to have 3 more healthy children without any issues, help or concerns. I thought that my infertility issues were behind me. Even being older when we had our son at 36, I still thought I had time. I chose to have the Mirena IUD placed after his birth and I will tell you it was the worst decision of my life.
I can’t 100% prove that the IUD is the reason for my issues now but I will tell you there is no other reason. I had it in for 10 months and it played havoc on my body. For 10 months I literally was having a period constantly (albeit a very light one) every day. I can’t even tell you how awful it was. I thought it would go away but it didn’t so when we discussed having another baby I couldn’t get it out fast enough. I had plans to have it removed either way but this was a great reason.
Fast forward to the end of 2015 and a full year has passed since I had it removed and it has been nothing but hell. I am angry that my decision to use the IUD somehow may have caused my issues this year and sad that I can’t seem to do what my body clearly has done before. Thankfully I have not spiraled into depression as can happen with many who struggle with getting pregnant but I know how easily that spiral can be to get on. I have been there. I don’t want to go there again but I never thought that after having 4 successful pregnancies all ending with children that I would lose a baby.
I also thought that after 4 successful pregnancies I would never find myself in need of a fertility specialist again. I know that being 38 has its own unique issues when it comes to fertility but not what I have had to endure this last year. With 3 chemical pregnancies (which is when egg and sperm meet but don’t implant properly) and a miscarriage at 11 weeks in the last 8 months it is time for me to seek help.
For most women choosing the right time to get help can be complicated and confusing. Unfortunately for me and fortunately for me, I have firsthand knowledge and experience seeing an RE or reproductive endocrinologist, so choosing to see one now was a no-brainer for me. I know my body better than anyone and I know that something isn’t right and it hasn’t been since I had the IUD placed.
I can’t help but think it was a bad decision to get the IUD and I totally regret it now that we are having issues. I never had any issues before it. No miscarriages, no losses or chemical pregnancies but now I can’t stay pregnant and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the cause. I have read other accounts of this happening to other women so it’s not just me. I don’t think (okay I hope) that the issues we are having now mean that my days of having a baby are done or that I am truly infertile now but I don’t truly know.
So 2016 for me is starting with an RE appointment at the end of this week and I am hopeful that with their help, 2016 will bring us our rainbow.