I have spent the better part of the last few months feeling sorry for myself. Judging myself and my ability to write this blog. Thinking I am not good enough to play with the big boys in a sea of really great bloggers and thinking I should just throw in the towel. I know that this seems kind of trivial in the big picture of my life but I started this blog for one reason, to tell my stories. This last year it has become more than that but at the same time I think I managed to lose myself as well. I somehow forgot the reason this blog started. I forget to talk about life, my life. I forgot the story. So I am letting go.
As 2015 fades into a new year, so does this feeling of being less, of not being good enough. I will see 2016 in with a new belief, in myself and of the reason I started this little place on the net. Thanks to a really wonderful lady who I wish more than anything that I can one day meet in real life, I found perspective today. She made me realize that all that really matters is that I write about what makes me happy, what I want not what I think everyone else wants to read. I will go back to being selfish and writing about everything that I want to say. She is such an amazing person and I only wish we lived closer so I could give her a really big hug for all that she has done for me, for my blog. You know who you are and you are amazing!
I am no longer going to compare myself to other bloggers as it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. I am who I am and I love me and that is all that matters. I have an amazing family, 4 beautiful, happy kids and a man that would move mountains just to prove his love. I mean he crossed an ocean and left the only home he ever knew just for me.
My blog has truly become a place for me to vent my frustrations and celebrate my wins and I honestly hope that you will all stick around in 2016 and follow along on whatever adventure the blog takes next year but I am going to go back to what I started doing and writing for me, even if it’s a 3 line rant or just a musing about something. I am going to write when I get the urge to do so and not because I should get a post out. My word of the year is hope and that is all I am going to think about all year. Hope that I can be the most awesome mom and wife and still fit in all the writing I want to do.
Today I am letting go. Letting go of all the bad, the ugly and the sad and I am letting in joy, love and hope. I am finally telling that little voice in my head to “shut up”.