Do you believe in new beginnings? That the change to a new year brings with it a new lease on life? I am hopeful that is what 2016 will be for us.
I am not going to lie to you and tell you that 2015 was the best year of my life. It totally wasn’t. Actually the last 8 months have been pretty rough. With a chemical pregnancy, followed by a loss so profound that I had no idea that pain even existed followed by another 2 chemical pregnancies. The last two happening last month and this month. My heart hurts this year from the loss of our baby and the inability to have another one stick.
I am broken but I am putting on a brave face for everyone because that is what I need to do. My family needs me to be strong and keep going. My kids need their mom to be a great mom and I am being a great mom. I do have moments where I just cry and they are usually when I get 5 minutes to go to the bathroom. I am not going to tell you that I have just moved past the pain of our loss and although I am mostly doing great, the pain still comes in waves.
Getting positive pregnancy tests to have that shattered only a few short days later sucks. It’s like salt in an already open wound. One that is healing slowly but it is healing. I know that when our original January due date comes around, I will probably feel all of those emotions again. For what could have been, should have been.
However, I will remember my own post about ways to be happy with the life I have right now, right here in front of me. I have lots of things to be thankful for. 4 beautiful children, a husband that would move the stars if it was something I needed or wanted and he could. I have the ability to have an outlet that helps me deal with the pain but also the ability to bring joy, work with some great brands and share my triumphs too. Everyday is new, every breath is another I get to take and I believe that all this sadness will pass and 2016 will bring the best to all of us.
Here is to 2016, new beginnings and the amazing things yet to come!