3 weeks have passed since our loss and I am ready to move forward. I believe in second chances and new beginnings. I have to believe that or I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I have always been a glass half-full kind of gal and this is no exception.
It doesn’t mean that this loss doesn’t hurt or that I won’t remember July 8 for the rest of my life, it just means that I have healed enough to move forward with life. To enjoy all of the things that I have been given and to stay hopeful for our rainbow baby. I know that some would think that I have moved on too fast and that I can’t possibly be ready, but I will tell you, I am.
I believe that above all else this loss has given me pause to appreciate all the little things in life that I may have taken for granted, to know that I made the best decision of my life marrying the man who I am happy and proud to call my husband as he has been a rock and given me strength when I had none. I realize more than ever that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment and it feels wonderful.
We will be trying again for our rainbow and I know that it will be difficult and I will worry about every little pregnancy symptom or lack thereof. I will not however try to let those worries cloud the very thing that I have always loved so much and that is carrying my child. It will be difficult as I know that after a loss it will never allow for me to feel the joy I did with my first 4 before my loss but I want to enjoy what will be my last pregnancy. I want to still feel the joy of carrying my baby and I am going to try to not let the loss ruin that for me.
I have always been a little skeptical of psychics and of getting “readings” done but when I was feeling pretty crappy and at my lowest after we lost our little bean, I was led to a site that gives readings for fertility, conception and gender and well I got one done. This is what she came back with:
So although I am a skeptic when it comes to this sort of stuff, it does kind of give me hope that we will either get pregnant and find out in September or we will get pregnant in December and have our rainbow in September of next year. I don’t know how much stock I place in this but I will keep it in the back of my mind while we go on our journey once again.
So with all that being said, here is to our journey to #5 once more and let’s hope that the next time I get to tell everyone I am pregnant again, it will end with the beautiful joy of holding my baby in my arms. <3