I don’t usually rant about things on my blog. I mean, I rant but usually to friends and family, face to face. This one has been bothering me for a while. Why is it when I tell people how many kids I have they give me this look that says oh my god are you insane? Or I constantly hear you have 4 kids and you want another, you are my hero! What?? I am no one’s hero, although I hope that I will be that for my kids. Or you are brave! Why am I brave having kids? Women do it all the time and 50 years ago it wasn’t unusual for a woman to have 10 or 12 kids. I don’t get why having more than 2 kids is crazy. I don’t think I could do the whole 19 kids and counting thing either but for me having 5 seems the right thing for us. My first 3 are from my first marriage and they are very close in age and although that sometimes causes fighting now, it won’t in 10 years and I hope that they will be close. I then have little man who is almost 6 years younger than my next oldest and although they love “playing” with him for short periods of time, he really is like having an only child all over again. His siblings are at school all day and they go to their dads house every weekend, so he is alone with me a lot, so for this reason I convinced my hubby that we needed just one more. A sibling closer in age to little man. Now these age gaps will make no difference when they are older and I totally know in my heart that they will all be great friends and always be in each others lives. I know that they will have their squabbles, but I hope that I have raised them to love each other no matter what and that they will get past all the crap and just be happy being family.
I love all of my kids and I can’t wait to have another (if that is in the cards). I love the fact that we have a large family. I love knowing that someday when I am not around anymore, they will all have each other to turn to and I can only hope that they will stay close and keep their bonds strong no matter what life throws at them. I know that when I am gone none of them will be alone. I am thankful that I have been able to have the children I have as I know many are unable and I thank my lucky stars everyday. I wish that everyone who wants to have a child could.
My children, as much as some days they make me want to pull my hair out, bring me so much joy in a day that I can’t even contain it sometimes. They have made me cry, laugh and smile with pride and adoration and so many more things that it would take an entire lifetime to spell out. I remember every second of being pregnant with all of them and the exact moment that they came into my life. I don’t need a book to remind me of them either (to be honest I am horrible with keeping baby books) and if they ask I will tell them every memory I have of each an every one of them. I will love them through every thing life throws at us. I will be their rock and their cheerleader. No matter how bleak they think it is, I will be the light. I will forever have a piece of my heart engraved with each an every one of their names and I will keep it safe. I know that they will fall and they will hurt but I will be there to pick them up and bandage them up. I will love them always and forever.
So for all of you that stare at me like I am crazy, I want to assure you that I am not and yes I do know about birth control. For those who think I am brave or that I am your hero, I am not, although I hope I will brave for them when I have to be and be the hero they sometimes need me to be, but at the end of every day when I tuck them in and give them hugs and kisses, I am a mother of 4, hoping for 5 and I wouldn’t want it any other way.